She’s Having A Girl

Your stink bug disappeared from my room for a while now and I’ve been wondering where you went. When we found you in Danny’s room right after the party, I was pleasantly surprised. My first thought was that you had come for the party, my second thought was realizing how bittersweet this was.

I know this could have been a possible route for you. Maybe she would have been your baby girl. Maybe her name would have been part of yours. You would have wanted a boy, of course. But you’d love the girl even more. I can hear you voicing these things, is that crazy?

I woke up so, so depressed yesterday and I couldn’t figure out why. I knew I was going to be celebrating a new baby and my best friend’s birthday, but I was so low and lost. I fought the feeling so hard and just couldn’t shake it off. I was wondering if I was feeling you. Now I know.

I hope you are ok. I hope you are at peace. I hope you know how much you are loved and missed. I sure fucking miss you.

Slipping Away

I have a necklace I’m not meant to be with. It’s beautiful, looks well made, and means something to me.

The first time I owned it, the chain broke and the charm went missing. The chain stuck to my skin, so I kept it because I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away and was hoping to fix it someday. Not today, but someday.

I replaced it almost immediately. I liked it a lot and was willing to pay the price. I’d just be more careful and pay a little more attention in case the chain should break again.

I think about a month later, I felt something slip off my neck at work. Yup, it was the same necklace. The chain didn’t break but somehow slipped out of the clip that secured the link. I used some pliers to squeeze all the links a bit just to make sure it stayed together.

Today I lost it again. Same thing, just slipped out of the link. No visibly broken links. I didn’t feel it this time though, and only got it back because someone let me know it was missing.

I’m starting to think that maybe this necklace isn’t for me. I guess that’s the way life is sometimes.